Know Thyself

I know, logically, the steps I need to take to get my work published. So how come I could find so many other things to do instead of working on that? Procrasitination is a nasty villian.

There is more to it than just the simple act of procrastinating. There's a reason why people, like me, procrastinate. It goes deeper than the surface thought of, "I just don't feel like doing this now." No, there's a deeper meaning behind why we put things off.

A local businessman named Tommy Van Scoy, owned a chain of jewelry stores in my area and published a book in the 80s titled, You Can If You Want To. In it he wrote about doing things when you are hot on it and not to force yourself to do something just because you have to do it. It makes sense, right? But what if you keep getting "hot" for other things all the time, and what is supposed to be so important falls to the end of the "to do" list? I think it's time to examine why.

Socrates said, "Know thyself." That is still true because if we don't examine our lives to figure out why we do the things we do, then what are we really doing? It can't be living - it seems like more of breathing through a pinball machine where we're the ball bouncing back and forth in the game, hoping to be safe and not loose the ball (ourselves) into the void under the machine. But living like that is loosing ourselves. I know it feels that way for me.

And I don't quite know how or when it happened exactly. It seemed to be a gradual progression and now I wake up and think - OMG what is going on and how am I going to fix it?

So that's where I'm at and it's not just another excuse. Or maybe it is, I don't know anymore. The days when I just sat still or walked in the woods to think seem to be a long distance memory. I used to have such a clear direction to where I needed my life to be. Now, because of things that have happened in my life, I feel like I'm at a standstill and I need to change this! I'm trying, really I am.

Until later... Jussme

Intro

This is about my journey to becoming an author. I want to journal my progress towards my ultimate dream.

I've spent too long wishing and wanting and now is the time to get real and do something about it - instead of just thinking about it.

So what am I going to do today? Well, it's easy for me to procrastinate that's for sure. I could begin organizing what I have done so far (meaning all my work I've created)-- again. Or I could look at what I have written and think about what I'm going to do -- again. But I won't.

No, I've got to step out of my comfort zone and face my fears. Although I'm not sure which fears they are (meaning fear of failure or fear of success), I do fear something. I believed for awhile that it was fear of exposing my true identity - my true thoughts. And maybe that is true. Whatever the reason, I just have to put my work out there because time keeps moving along and I've been stuck in a quasi-reality of allowing my fears to dictate my life.

So, I pose the question again, what am I going to do today to get closer to attaining my goals of publishing my writing and earning a living writing?

... I'm thinking.

... Still thinking.

... Now my nerves are getting the best of me and I'm trembling inside. But why?

What is causing me to feel this way? I know I'm a good writer, so what's the problem? I'm going to have to think more about this to try to figure out what is going on...

For now, the journey must begin today. I'm going to have to take baby steps, but I will get there.

Jussme